Losing Sense
by falafel90
Summary: How does James end up getting Lily? By coming up with a plan so insane, it's got to work...or not. How does he really end up getting Lily?
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

Lily-flower, my love,

Oh, how I miss the sweet smell of your hair, etcetera etcetera. If romance was what you wanted from me, of course I would continue to comment on the subtle beauty of your skin, or something similar; but, alas, no. Your heart desires something else—and I will find what that is one day, perhaps within this last year of school. And the last year of school is exactly what I am writing to you about (not, as usual, my love for your rose colored lips, or something similar).

May I ask if you have earned the coveted position of Head Girl? Just curious, of course. I want to know who my partner is going to be next year. (My parents seem to think Dumbledore inhaled too many Fizzing Whizbees when he made the decision to make me Head Boy.)

While I have you—not that I have you in the literal sense, but…(this is one of those times a bloke wishes for erasable ink…or for his best friend not to have hidden his wand…)—how has your summer been?

Love (with every fiber of my being),

James Potter

* * *

James,

Yes, I'm Head Girl, and it's absolutely _spiffy_ that you are Head Boy.

Hate (with every fiber of my being),

Lily Evans


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter One

"Oi! Moony! Moony! MOONY! REMUS! LUPIN!"

"Sirius, I HEAR YOU," an aggravated Remus Lupin replied to Sirius Black's shouting.

"Well, then, acknowledge me, dammit. How do I know if you've heard me if you don't _say_ anything," Sirius said. The pair met at Kings Cross, and was walking towards the scarlet Hogwarts Express.

"Because, anyone who isn't deaf would have heard your incessant shouting. Now, let's find James and Pete." Remus and Sirius, both dragging along their own heavy trunks, trudged through the station in search of the final two members of their group. Just when they seemed nowhere in sight, Remus spotted James getting eaten by his mother…er, hugged by his mother. Remus overheard a piece of their conversation.

"Oh, James!" she exclaimed. "It's your last year at Hogwarts! You're growing up! I remember when you used to giggle and spit up—" Sirius interrupted her.

"I think that _was_ yesterday. He _did_ choke up that Honeyduke's chocolate, and he _did_ giggle like a baby after he read Evans' letter." Remus and Peter laughed as they approached Sirius and the Potters.

"Okay, you gave me chocolate with a CRICKET in it, and…well, Evans' has NEVER written me a letter before," James argued. "It was quite special."

"Yes, that cricket _was_ special. He was Indonesian."

"Not the cricket, Pads, the _letter_." James rolled his eyes. His mother and father just looked on, amused with their son and his antics.

"You mean the letter that said absolutely nothing? The letter that exuded sarcasm and annoyance? The letter that was signed with the word 'hate?' The letter that—"

"Enough. I get it. I most certainly get it. But she took the time to write one, even if it was sarcastic, and that means something." James sighed dramatically. "She just doesn't know it yet. She loves me from the depths of her soul…she just has not come to that conclusion at the present time. Just give it a few months. Just you wait."

"Okay. Right. Well, when you get Evans to admit—without the use of spell, potion, or alike—I will walk in to the Great Hall at breakfast stark naked, singing Celestina Warbeck's 'A Cauldron Full of Hot, Strong Love,'" Sirius proclaimed with a smirk. "Does that tell you how confidant I am in you?"

As James was saying his last good-byes to his parents, Lily was saying her last good-byes to hers on the opposite end of the platform.

"I love you, Mum, Dad," Lily said. She smiled, but her eyes betrayed her.

"Lily," her mother sighed, "You know Petunia wishes she could be here—"

"No, she doesn't. Don't lie for her," Lily said.

"Yes! She just…you know…the new boyfriend…she…they…well, don't worry about her. She still cares. Don't give up all hope yet, Lils," her father said as he ruffled her hair.

"Well, I better go. I'm supposed to meet Amos and Marly on the train before I meet Potter for Head duties." Lily cringed. "Ugh. Potter. Well, best be off."

As Lily kissed her parents good-bye, she heard someone shout her name.

"LILY! LILY, WAIT! INTRODUCE ME TO YOUR PARENTS!" A seventh year boy with golden brown hair ran toward Lily and her parents, patting down his hair and dragging his trunk behind him. "I…I want to meet them!"

"Amos! You're a mess! What happened?" It was true; with closer inspection, his muggle polo was torn in various places, and his pants were spotted with mud. He wanted to be introduced to Lily's parents looking like so?

"Oh, well, it's nothing, you know. Just Potter again, the bludger. Merlin's pants!" Amos, realizing, he had not introduced himself to Lily's parents, turned towards them and stuck out his hand. "Hello! I'm Amos, Amos Diggory. I'm sure Lily's told you all about me."

Lily's parents stared at him for a minute before Lily's father took his hand. "Pleasure."

"Certainly, sir, it is more of a pleasure to meet you." Amos smiled toothily. "And you, are you Petunia?" Lily cringed a second time. 'It's not Amos' fault; he doesn't know much about Petunia's and my relationship…' Lily thought, '...he's just trying to be nice...'

Lily's mother gave Lily a skeptical glance while replying, "Her mother, actually." Amos and her shook hands for a second longer than what is considered appropriate, and Lily started to bite her fingernail.

"Okay, now Mum, Dad, we _must_ go. I mean, the train leaves in ten minutes, and both Amos and I have our trunks with us still, and—"

"Lily! What a pleasure seeing you here! Do you come here often?" James strode over to her laid an arm over her shoulder. "Just joking, of course."

"Potter, do you mind?" Lily glared.

"Yeah, Potter, do you?" Amos shot James a fiery look.

"Hey! I just wanted to say hello to my favorite girl in the world! And, or course, meet my future in-laws." Turning to look at Lily's parents, James said, "Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Evans, I'm James Potter. This wasn't the best start of course, but…"

"Ah! So you're the boy our Lily keeps blabbering about!" Lily's father exclaimed. "All summer, I tell you!"

"Lily," James said, batting his eyelashes. "You talk about me to your parents?"

"Nothing good, I assure you," Lily stated dryly.

"No, nothing good at all," her father conceded. "But, hey! At least she talked about you!"

"DAD! The three of us need to go. Amos and I need to get on the train, and James needs to go jump off a cliff. So, I bid you adieu," Lily hugged her parents, then jetted off with Amos to get on the train. James lagged behind.

"Don't feel bad, son," Lily's father said to James after Lily was out of earshot. "Despite her relationship with that Amos bloke, she talked about you more than that tool—even if it was in frustration. The opposite of love is not hate—it's apathy. You still have a shot."

The train whistled, and James was forced to run to get on the train in time. As he sped toward the door, he shouted to Mr. Evans, "Thanks!"

"Anytime, anytime," Mr. Evans screamed back, and the train was off.

"And he's so bloody arrogant and conceited. Just a git, really. He was the reason my shirt is torn up and my trousers are muddy! He let that Sirius Black get to me, he did! Didn't stop him. Should've known , though. 'Marauders' and all that business, eh? But, really Lily, I swear, your father liked him more than he liked me! Which is ridiculous. Really, Lily, how could he? Lily? Lily?"

Lily sighed. "What?"

"I asked you how your father could possibly like Potter better than me. And you didn't answer. Were you even paying attention?" Amos asked. The pair sat in a compartment together, along with Marlene McKinnon, Lily's best friend. Both Marlene and Lily sat, bored, waiting desperately for the Prefects' Meeting.

"He didn't and I was," Lily lied, though she secretly wondered just how her father could like her sworn enemy more than her boyfriend. "I have to meet Potter early to discuss Heads' stuff, though, so I must be off. See you in fifteen." Marlene glared at her as Amos started up again.

"And that boy's hair! What a nightmare, really…"

"Hullo, Potter," grumbled Lily. "I guess we're stuck together this year." James and Lily sat across from each other in the Heads' Compartment. While Lily was slumped in her seat with her head against the window, James was sitting upright, nearly bouncing up and down in his seat.

"You say 'stuck' like it's a bad thing," James said. There was a long pause. "So how was your summer, Lily?"

"Fine," Lily said. "But we should go talk to the Prefects. They need to go patrol."

James and Lily walked next door to the Prefects' Compartment. Though it was noisy, the prefects quieted once they saw that the Heads had entered. Amos was the seventh year Hufflepuff Prefect, while Marlene was the new seventh year Gryffindor Prefect—both of them waved to Lily. Remus, the seventh year Gryffindor Prefect, waved to James.

Lily started. "Okay, guys, most of you know the drill. We're just going to be patrolling today on the train—we'll each take a shift. Also, I have the passwords for each house, so at some point today, one Prefect from each house must come to see me."

Lily looked around at the Prefects. "This is going to be a great year, guys. I really believe it."

James, who felt a bit out of place, chimed in. "Any questions?"

Amos cleared his throat. "How did you of all people make Head?"

"I was actually wondering how the mudblood made Head," Regulus, the fifth year Slytherin Prefect said.

"Okay, Diggory—shut up. And Black—you'll be lucky if I don't punch your lights out. Lily is smarter than you'll ever be—despite your blood and family," James said, his hands clenching to fists.

"Potter won't punch your lights out, Black—though what you said was inappropriate. I will have to take points from Slytherin when we get to Hogwarts," Lily said, though secretly she was wondering why James didn't just attack—he would have last year anyway. "I think we should just start patrolling, okay? Remus, Marlene, how 'bout you guys take the first shift?"

'Maybe this year will be different. Potter seemed bearable, at the least…' Lily thought, as the Prefects left the compartment. 'Nah. He'll go back to normal by dinner.'


	3. Chapter 2

A/N: I apologize for how long it took to get the next chapter up! I am so busy with getting back to school and such, that I haven't had much time. I am going to try to get the next chapter up this weekend--though I can't make any promises. Sorry about that though! Thanks to those who reviewed! I appreciate the feedback!

"Welcome students, new and old, to the start of a fresh term!" Dumbledore announced from behind a gold podium in the Great Hall. "I must say I believe it will be a wonderful school year! A few announcements before we devour this lovely feast, Mr. Filch, our caretaker, asked me to remind you that among other banned items, Fanged Frisbees are no longer allowed. Also, first years, no student is allowed in or near the Forbidden Forest. Now, I believe it is time to…what do they say? 'Pig out?'" Dumbledore then smiled and sat down, letting both students and teachers to eat their dinner.

After Dumbledore gave his permission to dig into the mountains of chicken legs, heaps of various vegetables, and dozens of pies ready to be eaten, Sirius was the first person at the Gryffindor table to stack food on his plate.

"You know, it wouldn't be the Start of Term Feast without Sirius' appetite," James said, as he began to stack food on his own plate.

"It wouldn't be the Start of Term Feast without Sirius' complaints of heartburn afterward, either," Remus said, chuckling.

Sirius glared at his friends, though simultaneously stuffing an entire baked potato in his mouth at once. "Just because your weak stomachs can't handle a man's portion of food…"

"I think you mean an elephant's portion of food," Peter muttered.

"I heard that!" Sirius said, holding a chicken leg in Peter's face.

"Well, I meant you to!" Peter exclaimed, shoving Sirius' chicken away from his face.

James laughed at his friends' antics, but all the while searched the table for Lily. He immediately spotted her, to the right of him, several seats down, sitting with Marlene McKinnon. James ruffled his hair and frowned. The meeting with Lily's parents was rather awkward. Especially with Amos standing right there. Maybe he shouldn't have made the claim that they were his future in-laws? James smiled, though, when he thought of his conversation with Lily's father. _That_ was better than he could've expected.

With a mouth full of chewed food, Sirius asked James, "What _exactly_ are you thinking about, Prongs? You're all smiley, then you start to frown—for awhile mind you—and then you get all happy again, and…it's rather creepy."

"Oh, just my meeting Lily's parents today," James sighed. He was oblivious to his friends' jaws dropping.

"Is that where you ran off to? Why didn't you tell us?!"

"Was Lily angry?"

"How did it go?"

James looked at their eager faces, sighed again, and told the story of meeting Lily's parents. He left out no detail, and awaited their reaction.

"Well," Remus started, "if her dad was nice about the whole thing, I don't think there's a reason to worry."

"Though now you have Amos on your case," said Peter. "He's not going to let that go. You stole his thunder mate." Sirius slapped him on the back of the head.

"Seriously, Pete? The Marauders don't need to worry about someone as ridiculous and uptight as Diggory. And since when did you start calling him Amos? Do you have a crush on him now?" Sirius said cavalierly. "Because I think that I should tell Lily. And Amos for that matter. Because maybe then Amos can run off with you and Lily will be free for James."

"Hey," James said, stroking his chin. "That's not a bad idea…"

"You are joking. Right, James?" Peter said, wide-eyed. "James?!"

* * *

"Seriously, that damn Potter came up to my parents and introduced himself!" Lily Evans exclaimed. "He is such a jerk."

"Lily, do you remember a couple of hours ago? When we were on the train?" Marlene said with a sigh, looking tired. Her hair was mussed and her cheek lay on her chin.

"Yes, of course," Lily replied. "Amos bored my ear off with all that stuff about…oh. I'm doing the same thing…"

"Yeah," Marly said. "And I would appreciate it if we could get off the subject for a millisecond."

"Of course. I'm sorry," Lily said. "But really, he is so annoying!"

"You know, Lily," Marlene started, picking her head up off of her hand. "Don't get offended when I say this, but I happen to believe that Potter is less annoying than Amos…I mean, really, Lily…do you love him?"

"Of course! How could you suggest that I do not love the man I have been dating for nearly six months! I mean, really, I…_really_, he is a right pain in the arse. But we are _supposed_ to be together. I mean, he is a _prefect_."

"Lily," Marlene said cautiously. "James is _Head Boy_. And not a measly Hufflepuff. He is a _Gryffindor_. Don't you think the two of you are better suited for each other?"

"Never. Never would I ever believe James _sodding_ Potter was better for me than a _goblin_. Let alone Amos."

* * *

"Okay, now. Pete. You have to _woo _him. With your charms." James patted Peter on the back. "You can do it."

"I know the original plan involved you as _Peter_, handsome and charming Marauder, but you as a woman should work _even better_," Sirius said with his arms folded across his chest and a knowing look gracing his face.

Peter stood next to the two, dressed…well, like a girl. Transfiguring Peters' trousers into a skirt, and his socks into stockings, Peter had the clothes of a young witch. Paired with a a growth spell for his hair, and socks for boobs, he looked…quite good for a man dressed like a girl. As good as can be imagined, anyhow.

"This is _not_ going to work," Peter cried. "And why can't Sirius do this? Why was _I _the one chosen for this job?"

"Because. I am too pretty to be scarred for life," Sirius said in a haughty manner.

"And I'm not?"

"No?" James said, his upper lip twitching.

"You guys are bastards. Really, I hope you catch dragon pox and DIE!"

Remus who was sitting on his bed, curled up to _Hogwarts, A History_, finally broke into laughter. "Amos is _never_ going to fall for this. You can tell that that's Peter from a mile away. And one of his breasts is slipping."

"Damn it! We're going to need to get him a bra, aren't we?" Sirius asked. He looked around, and said, "You know what, I think I might have a spare one under my bed somewhere…"

"Pads," James said, "You wear a bra? You really don't need one…you don't have much of anything there—"

"Lacey threw it under there two nights ago, turdface. Really, how stupid…why would _I_ wear a bra?"

After getting Peter into the frilly contraption, he looked ready. Or as ready as he would ever be.

"Now, here's the plan guys," James said. "Peter's going to…"


	4. Chapter 3

"Oh, _crap_! I mean, oh _dear_! I seem to have lost my purse! Where the—err—where could it _possibly_ be?" Peter screeched in a ridiculously high voice the next day at breakfast, with with the back of his hand resting on his head.

Dressed like a woman, Peter stood in the Great Hall next to the Hufflepuff table, nearby Amos Diggory. The Marauders, looking on at Peter's exaggerated performance, laughed at his obviousness. The rest of the Great Hall looked on with wonder and amusement. James looked around for Lily, but was sad to find that she wasn't at breakfast. 'Maybe it's for the best,' James thought. 'I need Peter to woo Amos without her knowing Peter or I were involved.'

"Young sir!" Peter shouted, pointing at Amos. "Young sir! Will you—hey! SIR!" Amos sat there, unaware of Peter's attempts to get his attention. "I say, YOUNG SIR! Well, I never in all of my—"

"Can I help you?" A young Gilderoy Lockhart strode up to Peter. To most students, he was a cocky and arrogant fourth year with little common sense. "What, miss, are you looking for?" He flashed what looked to be an award-winning smile and grabbed Peter's hand.

"Er, um, my uh purse," Peter stumbled. "But, uh, I was hoping that that—BRIGHT, HANDSOME YOUNG FELLOW OVER THERE WOULD HELP ME FIND IT!" Pointing to Amos, Peter heaved a sigh, muttering, "This is _not_ working."

Lockhart glanced down, and picked up a rather ratty looking brown purse.

"Is this it?"

"Er, yes! However did you find it?" Peter flushed red, but pretended to be shocked.

"It was right by those _gorgeous_ feet of yours. I adore your shoes, er…what's your name? I don't believe we have ever met before." Lockhart smirked and held out a hand. "_I'm_ Gilderoy. Gilderoy Lockhart."

Nervously, Peter quickly tried to come up with a name. "I'm…ummm…uh…Peter…a."

"Really, I—"

"HEY! That's my purse!" A young girl, not any older than a third year, walking out of the Great Hall, spotted Peter's dingy bag. "You STOLE it!"

"Oh, whoops! Mine must still be missing. Sorry 'bout that." Peter handed the purse over and the girl snatched it away.

Sirius, watching the interaction, muttered to James and Remus, "My. I wondered who owned that ugly purse. I just found it on one of the tables in the common room. Never thought anyone in their right mind would claim a bag _that_ ugly."

Gilderoy sighed. "I'll keep my out for it, Peter-a. But, in the mean time, I was wondering…do you want to go to Hogsmeade with me?"

Peter looked disgusted. "Uh, no," he said, again in his ridiculously high voice. "I _must_ wash my hair that day. Sorry! Must be going!" Peter started to walk backwards. "_Potions_. You know how it is!" Peter then ran for his dear life.

James turned around and grabbed a piece of toast. "Well, at least we know that Peter is attractive to _one_ man. It'll be easy as pie to get Amos to fall for him!"

"Right," Sirius and Remus said in unison, their voices filled with doubt.

"And—I've got another plan. This one is so perfect, it _has_ to work."

"Is Peter still going to be dressed like a girl?" Sirius asked.

"Of course."

"Then I'm all for it!"

* * *

"Nope. Never. Definitely NOT for it!" Sirius exclaimed, his hands on his hips. All four Marauders were back in their dorm, and James just explained his new plan.

"Pads! Lily is on the line here! And, seriously, let's be honest here. This is my LAST year to finally convince her that she is the…the…jam to my _toast_," James said emphatically, one hand to his heart, and the other waving around in the air.

"She's the jam to your _toes_? I don't see how toe jam is _romantic_, by any means," Peter said, a finger on his chin. "But, I mean, what do I know?"

"I said 'jam to my _toast_.' Don't be an idiot, Wormtail," James said, dropping his hands.

"I understand, Prongs. Really, I do." Sirius slapped a hand on his back. "But this…this job is more suited to Remus' strengths."

"I am NOT doing that," Remus exclaimed. "I am not subjecting myself to the torture of not only three immature children, but to the torture of the entire school. Furthermore, James—isn't getting Lily directly the better option? Why target the daft, unsuspecting boyfriend? Because when you finally get Amos to fall for Peter, Lily won't automatically like you. And, Sirius, I have NEVER had a girlfriend, so—"

"Okay. Moony, thanks for the advice, but I am still going to target Diggory and _ugh_. I HATE that jerk. And, Sirius, you know very well that once you've had a girl, every guy in the school thinks that if she's good enough for you, she's good enough for any of them! You have to pretend that Peter is your girlfriend, or else the plan will _never_ work!"

"Prongs—Peter isn't good enough for me! He's a he! He's a man! With man bits!"

James sighed. "Look, the rest of the school doesn't know that though! All I need for you guys to do is hold hands in the hallway, like you do with the rest of your weekly so-called 'girlfriends.' And maybe a peck on the cheek here and there."

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!"

"Padfoot," Remus said, "You know James could _easily_ tell McGonagall who put the Drooble's in her hair that day in Transfiguration. You remember how mad she was about that?"

"Fine, Prongs. FINE! But only because a year's worth of detention is at stake here!"

Peter looked at both James and Sirius. "No one asked me what _I_ think of this whole thing?"

"Well, Peter, you don't have much of a choice here. Considering I could easily tell Filch that _you_ were the one that charmed his damn cat purple," James said.

"Remember what I said about the Dragon Pox? Well, I hope you _don't_ die so you suffer in misery for the rest of your lives!"

* * *

"So, Lily, are we going to Hogsmeade this weekend?" Amos asked as he walked her to Transfiguration.

"I'd love to, Amos," Lily replied. Though she did like Amos, her heart wasn't in the response. Despite the fact that she hated Potter, she couldn't help but wonder about what Marlene had said. Maybe Amos wasn't right for her, either. He was a Prefect, yes, but so were two other perfectly respectable seventh years (she refused to count the Slytherin prefect in her count, of course). She didn't like James, but maybe she didn't like Amos either.

"Lily, are you okay? I think you zoned out…"

"I'm great. _Spiffy_, really," she replied, but her eyes displayed her doubt. 'No,' Lily thought. 'Amos is the _one_. He cares about me, and would never do anything to hurt me. I can't possibly hurt him. And breaking up with him would hurt him more than anything else.'


	5. Chapter 4

'Transfiguration,' Lily thought. '_Wonderful_.' Though Lily excelled at nearly everything, Transfiguration was another matter entirely. McGonagall was all too kind to let her into her NEWT-level class last year, and this year was bound to get harder. Much harder.

Lily took a seat, sighing. Marlene wasn't great at Transfiguration, either, and the seat next to her was left empty. That only meant one thing…

"Hello, Lily dearest. Mind if I sit here?" James strolled up to Lily, smirking and putting his bag on the desk beside her.

"I suppose you won't take no for an answer, will you Potter?"

"Nope!" James sat in the chair beside her and began to take out his parchment. "Don't be mad, but I have to ask: do you want to go to the first Hogsmeade trip next weekend?"

"I'm already going with Amos. You _know_ I'm going out with him, Potter."

James sighed. "Yes, I know that. Of course I know that. But what I don't understand is _why_. He's not a bit interesting, or even friendly. He's a right wanker, really."

Lily jumped on James. "No, he's not! He's a nice respectable boy who, to be _completely honest_, should have become Head Boy! And I don't have to defend him to you Potter! You have no right to say anything about whom I chose to date!" She was fuming; her eyes flashed a brilliant green and her mouth was pursed tight.

"I'm _sorry_ you got stuck with me for Head duties, but really Lily, how is that _my_ fault? And I've liked you for ages—of course I'm going to hate the guy you go out with! Even if he was the seeker for Puddlemere United!"

"_Well_, I—"

"Mr. Potter, Ms. Evans!" Professor McGonagall screeched, walking into the classroom. "I have _never_, in all my years at Hogwarts, seen the two Heads argue as you have! Detention, both of you, 8 o'clock tonight. Mr. Potter, don't give me that look! You are going to have to miss Quidditch for tonight!"

"Look what you did, Potter," Lily whispered to James. "How does it look for the Heads to get detention?"

"Not good?" James whispered back with his signature smirk.

Lily had to fight the urge to slap him on the back of the head.

* * *

As the Marauders planned for Sirius and Peter's debut to the public—AKA what Peter should wear, how to make it look real, what Sirius deemed appropriate methods of showing affection—Lily was chatting to Marlene about the detention she received.

"It's just—ugh. We are the _Heads_. Heads do not get detention!" Lily complained, sitting in a scarlet armchair in the Gryffindor common room. "And this'll be my first detention ever!"

Marlene looked at Lily curiously, and said, "What about that time Amos talked to you for the whole of Arithmancy, and Professor Vector gave the two of you detention?"

"Oh, that," Lily said, looking away. "That doesn't count."

"Why? Because it was your _precious_ tool of a boyfriend?"

"I refuse to dignify that question with an answer."

Marlene pointed a finger at her, and said, "That's it, isn't it?"

"Well, I was stuck with someone I liked, so it was fine! Not torturous!" Lily exclaimed.

"You just said _liked_. Past tense," Marlene said, rather accusatory.

"No, I didn't! I said _like_. As in, I still _like_ Amos Diggory, my _boyfriend_. Not sodding James Potter, if that's what you're implicating! Because I hate him and his stupid…hair," Lily said weakly.

"Good to know, Evans," James said, walking up to her with Sirius behind him. "Should I shave my head? Would that do the trick? Would you go out with me then?"

"_No_!"

"Then I guess I'm going to have to settle with a date with you in detention. I believe it starts in about ten minutes, so we should really get going," James said, looking at his watch.

"Fine, fine," Lily grumbled. She struggled to get out of her armchair, and James lent her a helping hand.

"Thanks," Lily said, a bit embarrassed.

"No problem," James said, looking right into her eyes. Lily, looking up, flushed, and started walking toward the portrait hole.

"Ooh," Marlene whispered to James. "I think the two of you just had a moment!"

James smiled wholeheartedly and followed Lily.

Sirius looked at Marlene with a smile. "Now," he said. "James already has a plan for this year to get Lily. But I think I might have a better one. One that will blow his plan out of the water."

"How utterly devious of you, Sirius!"

"Well," he said, "I _am_ a Black."

"Do tell about your plan. I am involved, am I not?" Marlene shot him a flirtatious look, and sat down in the armchair previously taken by Lily.

"Of _course_. Why else would I tell you?" Sirius sat down on a nearby couch and began to explain.

* * *

"Lily, I really am sorry about getting you a detention," James said, looking down at his feet, as the two of them walked to their doom.

"Potter," Lily said looking up from her own feet and at James. "It was just as much my fault as it was yours. Really."

"You're right. It was," James said, his lips twitching.

"Oh, you jerk!" Lily said, slapping James on the arm. She looked down at her feet again. "But it _was _both of our faults."

"Well, whose ever fault it was, it's too late to do anything about it now," James said. "We already have the detention. Let's just hope we just have to clean desks, or something. Cleaning the Owlry, or the Trophy Room, is the worst."

"I can imagine."

A silence then fell between the two of them. 'We didn't fight,' James thought. Maybe he should take Remus' advice, he decided. Winning Lily over himself might be a lot easier than girl-Peter winning over Amos. Not that he would give that plan up either. It was too good…and _way_ too funny.


	6. Chapter 5

A/N: Hey, guys. I'm so sorry this took so long to get up. I really hated not being able to write the next chapter, but I was so bogged down with school work that I had absolutely no time to do it. But it's spring break and I plan to finish this story within the next week or two! Hopefully I can do it, but if I can't, I promise it won't take me so long to put up the other chapters. Sorry for the delay! And, please, review!

* * *

"It's simple," Professor McGonagall told James and Lily. "All you have to do is wipe down the trophies without magic." She proceeded to hand each of them a pink washcloth. The two heads just stood there, looking at their washcloths and looking around at all the trophies, when McGonagall screeched. "What are you waiting for? Get to it!"

Though James and Lily began their work silently, James eventually broke the ice.

"So, Lily, how has everything been with you since school started?" James asked, trying to make conversation.

"It's been fine. Well, except for Transfiguration," Lily replied as she scrubbed a Quidditch plaque from 1947.

"Don't worry, Lily. It's one detention. I've gotten thousands. It's no big deal," James said, walking towards her.

"I know," Lily said, looking at her feet. "It's not that." She looked up at James. "I'm just…worried. Because, you know, Transfiguration is _far_ from my best subject. But, you know, I'll be fine." Lily flushed red, and continued to scrub the Quidditch plaques.

"You know, I can help you, Lily. I mean, if you want help," James said, looking at her and scratching the back of his neck.

"What do _you_ want out of that deal, Potter? I mean, you wouldn't just do that for no reason." Lily crossed her arms in front of her chest and gave James a rather incriminating look.

"I don't want anything. I mean, I dunno. I just want to spend time with you, really. Even if it means that I'm tutoring you," James said sincerely.

"I don't need _tutoring_, Potter. Just a little help. In some areas. That's ALL," Lily said angrily.

"_Okay_, well whenever you need 'just a little help,' you can come to me. Because I am completely willing to help." James flashed her a genuine smile, and, to his surprise, Lily smiled back.

"Thanks…James," Lily half-whispered, looking him in the eye. Their gaze met for a couple of seconds, and Lily turned red. She quickly went back to cleaning plaques, and James smiled inwardly. 'This is a start,' James thought to himself.

Another few minutes went by, and Lily spoke up.

"How was your summer?"

"Not bad, I suppose," he replied. "I mean, you read my letters, right?"

"Erm," Lily said, "Sort of. I mean, yes. But I…I was…I mean, I more _skimmed_ them than anything else. But I did fully read the one about you getting Head Boy. Speaking of which, we must set a Prefects' Meeting. And we have to create a schedule for rounds. Tonight would have been our first night patrolling, but…well, we're here."

"Yeah, we should do that," James said. "I guess we can have the meeting sometime next week. We should see when everyone is free."

"Mhm, I agree." Lily and James continued to talk as they cleaned the trophies. It was this night that the two bonded and maybe—just maybe—became allies, rather than enemies.

* * *

"I never knew there was a mirror like that!" Marlene exclaimed, with a hand on her chin. "Are you sure that's not just a rumor?" Marlene and Sirius sat in the Gryffindor common room. Marlene was cozy in an armchair, while Sirius sat on a loveseat across from her.

"Positive," Sirius exclaimed. "I mean I've looked in it myself." He gave Marlene a smug smile.

"What did you see then, smarty pants? I'm curious: what does the ever popular Sirius Black want more than anything in the world?" Marlene asked flirtaciously, getting up and taking a seat next to him.

Sirius paled a bit, but tried to play it cool. "Oh, you know, just me surrounded by a dozen girls from Playwizard."

"Now, Sirius, I know that's not what you actually see. That's basically your life anyway. What do you _really_ see? Hm?" Marlene asked, her arm on his shoulder.

Sirius gulped. "If I tell you, you _can't_ tell anybody. Including Lily. Only the Marauders know what I see, and now you. Okay?"

"Of course, Sirius. You have my word." Marlene made a cross sign with her index finger over her heart.

"Okay. Well, you and I both know that I don't get along with my family. I mean, that's no secret. And Lord knows that I don't want to be associated with _those _people," Sirius spit out. "But I always wanted a family. A _real_ family. In the mirror," Sirius said, "I see myself with James' family, but rather than an overnight guest at the Potter house, I _am_ a Potter." Sirius' cheeks were bright red with embarrassment; he fiddled with his hands, and continued. "I know, it's weird and all, and—"

"It's not Sirius! Not at all!" Marlene interrupted. "Oh, Sirius, I'm so sorry! I didn't know you felt that way!" Marlene gave Sirius a big hug, lasting a minute or two, and sat back. She looked down and asked, "What did James say when you told him this?"

"Oh he was nice about it, o'course," Sirius said. "He said that I was an honorary Potter, and his parents thought of me as a son, and that I would always be a member of the family. But, you know, it's not the same as actually _being_ a Potter. But let's forget about me. We are here to set up Lily and James. Because clearly James's plan isn't working."

"Are we going to let him continue to set Peter up like that?" Marlene asked.

"Why would we stop him? It's funnier than McGonagall was when she was tipsy that one Christmas and planted a rather wet kiss on Flitwick's cheek." Sirius guffawed, and Marlene laughed with him.

"That was pretty funny," Marlene said. "But you must explain what we are going to do with this miraculous mirror. I'm confused about how it is going to get James and Lily together."

"Look, here's what we do…"

* * *

"Wormtail," James said the next day. "Please. You _have _to keep this up. I mean, in all honesty, I might just screw up this tutoring business. And even if I don't, even if Lily begins to like me, she'll be tied down to Amos, and still won't go out with me. At least, that is, if you stop. Please!"

James and Peter, along with Sirius and Remus, were in the seventh year boy's dormitory. James was on his knees, begging Peter to continue his little charade as Petera…and Peter was saying no.

"James, I don't think you get it!" Peter was saying. "Gilderoy _freaking_ Lockhart is after me! You might think it's funny, but I _don't_!"

"Oh Prongs," Remus said. "Don't make Peter do this. It's embarrassing, and ridiculous, and what if someone finds out it's Peter? How will the Marauders look then? Like one big joke!"

"Well, Moony," Sirius said. "Aren't we? That's what we _do_." James shook his head yes, and smiled smugly.

"Exactly. Thank you Padfoot."

"You're welcome, Prongs."

"But," Remus said, struggling to make them understand, "we ourselves aren't the joke! The people we play the pranks on are!"

"Ahh, I'm not sure I'm following, Moony," James said. "And if it doesn't help my point, I don't want to. So, let's forget it."

"Right," Moony murmured. "But I better not be dragged into this."

"So what do you say, Peter?" Sirius asked. "You gonna do it for old Prongsy here?"

"You owe me big-time, James," Peter said. "I mean it. If I do this for you, you will forever be in my debt."

"Fine. Whatever. I'll buy you an extra box of Drooble's this Christmas. Deal?"

"Deal. But I still hate you."

* * *

Peter, dressed as Petera, sat down at the Hufflepuff table for dinner that night, right next to Amos Diggory. James, Sirius, and Remus (as unhappy about the situation as he was) made sure to get prime viewing seats; that way, if Peter got into trouble, they would be there to laugh at his misfortune.

"So," Peter began in a ridiculously high voice, as he filled his plate with black and white pudding, "what's your name?" He batted his eyelashes obnoxiously, and tried his damnest to get Amos' attention. When Amos didn't even glance at him, he got a bit frustrated. "Oi, you! With the funny haircut and the wrinkled shirt!" Peter screamed in his normal, low-pitched voice.

"Me?" Amos asked, looking around. "Are you talking to me?"

Returning to his high-pitched voice, Peter responded. "Yes, you stud muffin. What's your _name_?"

"Um, Amos. Amos Diggory," Amos said, pulling at his tie, confused. "Are you new? Because I don't think we've ever met…"

"Yeah, handsome. I'm from Beaux…uh…Beaux…bas…uh…you know. The French school," Peter said, struggling. The other three Marauders slapped their foreheads. "My name's Petera."

"Hi, listen, I have a girlfriend, and you're making me a bit uncomfortable…I think—"

"Don't think, just feel. How do you feel about me?" Peter put his hand on Amos', and Amos quickly took his hand away, and put it under the table.

"Listen, I feel—"

Before Amos got a chance to respond, Lockhart appeared on the scene and interrupted.

"Don't pay that ninny any attention! It's me that you want!" Lockhart, in all his excitement, grabbed Peter's hand and forced him up and out of his seat.

"What's he doing?" whispered James, just as Lockhart grabbed Peter's shoulders. "Should we do something to—"

Before James finished his question, Lockhart leaned in, looked into Peter's eyes, and kissed his right on the lips. Peter tried to pull away, but Lockhart had too steady of a grasp on him. When the kiss was finally over, Peter slapped a very dazed Lockhart.

"You jerk!" Peter said, still in his high voice, as not to ruin his appearance. "I'm dating someone!"

"Who?" screamed Lockhart. "Who is the nancy that has captured my fair maiden's heart?"

"Uhh…you know him. His name's…uh…Sirius Black!" The Great Hall, which was already stirring due to Lockhart's extravagant kiss, began to get extremely noisy. Sirius, in order to salvage his reputation, felt that he must do something.

"It was a pity date! I felt sorry for you! But, now that I know Lockhart's true feelings, well, IT'S OVER!" Sirius shouted, rising from the Gryffindor table.

"FINE! I've been secretly dating AMOS DIGGORY anyway!" Peter shouted without thinking.

"WHAT?!" Lily shouted, getting up out of her seat. "Amos? Is this true?"

"What? No! I've never seen her before in my life! Well, other than just now! But, I swear, I haven't…not with her!" Amos got up out of his seat, and toward Lily.

"Not with her? Than with who, Amos? With who?" Lily said, crossing her arms over one another.

"I, I didn't mean that, Lily, with no one, I swear! I haven't seen anyone!" Amos said, flailing his arms. "You're the one and _only_ person I love!"

June Travers, a Slytherin then stood up, and shouted, "What am I? Chopped niffler?"

Lily, looked over at her, then at Amos, and said, "You know what? We're through. I never really liked you, anyway." Then, she sat back down at the Gryffindor table, and continued to eat her dinner, while the rest of the Great Hall sat in silence.

June walked over to Amos, then, and slapped him. She proceeded to walk out of the Great Hall. Amos looked around for a minute at the silent faces of his judging peers, and ran out of the Hall, as well, as he was completely and utterly embarrassed. Lockhart, however, was still there.

"What do you say, Petera? Be my girlfriend?" Lockhart said, as he fell to one knee.

Peter, thinking the job was over, pulled off his wig to the entire student population. "I'M A MAN, LOCKHART! A man! I have MAN PARTS! And I certainly don't like YOU!" Peter walked back to the Gryffindor table, dress, boobs, and all, and sat down next to Lily. He began to eat as she did.

Lockhart, of course, followed in the likes of June and Amos.

"What in the world just happened?" Slughorn whispered to McGonagall.

"I have no idea. Really, no idea."

Dumbledore sat in his chair, however, with a grin of amusement on his face, as if he knew what the Marauders were up to the entire time.


	7. Chapter 6

A/N: I'm officially excited. I got this chapter up rather quickly, and I am quite proud of myself. Hopefully you guys forgive me for my long absence. But I am back! And I'm almost finished with this story, actually. A few more chapters after this, and I'm done. I hope to start something else soon after, so stick around!

* * *

"Okay, don't panic, Prongs," Remus said. "Lily seemed fine with the whole Peter/Petera thing. I mean, she just sat and ate her dinner, for Merlin's sake!"

The Marauders sat in the Gryffindor common room after the whole debacle, discussing the night's events. James, nervous about Lily's reaction to Peter's charade, was tugging at the ends of his hair.

"But she must hate me! I was the one who basically ruined her relationship with Amos! Murder me, Moony, murder me!" James threw off his glasses in dramatics, and hit a first year in the head.

"First off, Prongs," Sirius said, "go apologize to that poor firstie you just nailed in the head with your glasses." James got up, retrieved his glasses, apologized, and sat back down in the scarlet armchair. "Second, Prongs, how many boyfriends of Lily's have you gotten to break up with her before? Zillions. And third, you weren't actually the one to ruin her relationship. _Amos_ was the one who cheated on her in the first place—not you."

"First off, Padfoot, I have not ruined 'zillions' of Lily's relationships. I have ruined a total of two before tonight's incident. And I never intended to ruin them." All three Marauders gave James a glare. "Okay, so I did. But I never was so_ deceiving _as I was tonight." Peter, Remus, and Sirius, again, gave him a glare. "Okay, so I was _pretty_ deceiving when I broke her and Wood up; but I _never_ got caught! She never knew I was the one who made sure her clothes were washed with the detergent that Wood was allergic too! And second, tonight's revelation would never have, er… _revelated_ if I wasn't there to dress Peter up like a girl!"

"Revealed itself. But that's exactly my point," said Remus. "Tonight's revelation would have never occurred if _you_ hadn't dressed Peter up like a girl."

"Right, Remus, _I just said that_. Thanks for _reaffirming_ my failure," James said, covering his face with his hands.

"No, you dolt," Remus said. "I'm trying to tell you that she _found out the truth _because of you. She now knows what a lying filthy scumbag Amos is, and will be happy that she is aware of his cheating! Don't you see? You _saved_ her from continuing to be in an unhealthy relationship!"

"I did that?" James asked, holding his chest. "I saved her from making the biggest mistake of her life? I saved her life! Practically. I saved her from dying! Well, from dying a lonely wife of a cheating dog. No offense Padfoot. But I saved her!" James shouted, jumping up, and flailing his arms around. In his excitement, he hit the same first-year with his hand, causing the young boy to fall over in his chair.

"Sorry 'bout that," James said with a smile, helping him up.

"My dad said Hogwarts was dangerous, but I thought it was because of the moving staircases and the dungeons—not because of over-excited seventh years! Geez!"

"Watch it, boy!" James said, though all the while sounding happy.

As James jumped around the common room like a fool, Lily walked in from the portrait hole with Marlene.

"What's got you acting giddy, Potter?" Lily said curiously. She sat on the loveseat, as did Marlene, near the Marauders.

James sat back down, but couldn't sit still. He might actually have a shot now that he saved Lily from a terrible death! "Oh nothing. You know, I'm just a regular knight in shining armor!"

"Who'd you save, James?" Marlene asked, looking around the common room.

"Certainly not me," the first year James kept hitting murmured audibly.

"I apologized!" James shouted at the boy. Then he turned back to the Marauders, Lily, and Marlene. "Oh, I think you know."

"Um," Lily said. "I don't think so." She looked about the room, and then turned back to James. "Is it someone in the common room right now?"

"Yes, you're getting warmer!" James said in a teasing voice.

"Oh, Potter, we don't have to time to be playing bloody games! Who is it?" Lily said, getting aggravated.

"It's—"

"What James means," Remus interrupted, "is that he saved us all from forgetting that we have a Charms paper due tomorrow."

James glared at Remus. "No, I—"

"James, _you don't want to rub it in her face_," Remus whispered.

"Fine. That's what I meant."

"How nice of you James. Now, I just wanted to remind you that we have to patrol in a half hour," Lily said. "That is, Potter, if you can stop bouncing around like a maniac."

"Uh-huh. No problem. See you in a half hour, Lily!"

* * *

Lily and Marlene made their way up to the seventh year girls' dormitory, and both plopped down on their respective beds. Marlene knew that the two of them needed to talk about what happened, but she didn't want to be _too_ blunt about it.

"So, how do you feel about what happened tonight? Are you hurt by Amos' lack of consideration for your relationship?" She inwardly cringed. '_Smooth_,' Marlene though to herself.

"I think," Lily said, her finger on her chin, "I think I'm actually perfectly fine with it. I wasn't lying in the Great Hall. I don't think I ever really liked Amos…not like I thought he liked me…which turned out wasn't the case…but I'm not torn up about it. At least, not over the fact that our relationship is destroyed."

Marlene looked at Lily cautiously. "Is there something that you're torn up about?"

"I dunno. I just hate that this whole thing happened, that's all," Lily said. "The whole thing…just sucks. Except for seeing Peter in a dress. Imagine! A Marauder in a dress! With breasts!"

Marlene and Lily both laughed aloud for a minute, and then the silence returned. Both looked at each other confusedly.

"Do you understand why Pettigrew was in a dress?" Lily asked Marlene.

"Probably one of the Marauders' wacky and ineffective ideas to win you over!"

* * *

"Well, I guess we can start in the dungeons, and work our way up?" Lily asked, as she and James walked out of the portrait hole.

"Sure, that's fine. But Lily, are you avoiding talking to me about—"

"I hate the Slytherins, they're so dodgy. I mean, the dungeons are no place to put a dormitory, unless you're so cold already that the heat in the regular parts of the castle won't make much of a difference—"

James interrupted her babbling. "Are you trying to avoid talking to me about Peter and Lockhart and Amos and June and everything? Because we need to talk about it eventually!"

Lily sighed. "I know. I just…I mean, I'm glad that I know he was cheating on me. I never really liked him—he was just there—so I didn't feel bad about breaking up with him. But…at the same time…it hurts to know that someone was cheating on me…like maybe I'm inadequate in some way…" Lily looked down at her feet. "I dunno why I'm admitting this to _you_ of all people. But I guess it's because, despite dressing up Peter like a girl—which I still can't figure out why you did, to be honest—you've been pretty decent this year, James. And I for some odd reason, I feel like I can talk to you."

James and Lily stopped for a moment on the stairs as they headed toward the dungeons. "I'm sorry things didn't work out with Amos, even if you didn't like him Lily. But I'm glad that I was able to save you from misery. And I—"

"Wait a minute," Lily said. "How did _you_ save _me_ from misery?"

"Well," James started bashfully, "I—"

"You know what?" Lily said. "Forget it. I don't want to know whatever wacky reason you have. I'm guessing it has something to do with Peter's stint as a drag queen. But I don't want to know the details."

"Okay," James said. "But thanks, you know, for confiding in me." James and Lily, still paused on the stairs, looked into each other's eyes for a brief second. Awkwardly, James broke the gaze, and took a step down. Unfortunately, that step was the step that he was supposed to remember to jump. His leg sank suddenly and he shouted.

"Whaahhh!" James yelled. "Bugger! I forgot this was _that_ step."

"Can you get up?" Lily asked. "Or do I need to find a way to get you out of there?" James grunted as he tried to lift himself out of the stair, but he just couldn't pull himself out.

"I think you're going to have to find a way to get me out."

* * *

"So," Marlene said, sitting down next to Sirius in the common room. "Are we doing this tomorrow when they're patrolling? Or should we wait a little bit longer? Like maybe a week or two?"

Sirius sighed. "I'm not sure. Maybe we can see how everything's going by the end of their patrolling tonight. I mean, how much longer could they possibly be? They've been gone for quite a while now…"

* * *

"Okay, James, you've been stuck here for an hour and forty-seven minutes. I think it's time for me to call upon a professor. They'll understand," Lily said, sighing.

"Fine, fine. But I'll have you know, this is possibly the most embarrassing moment of my life. A Marauder, someone who knows all the secret passageways and hidden rooms, can't even make it down a flight of stairs! It's madness!" James did his trademark flailing of his arms, and knocked his glasses off into the abyss of the step. "Wonderful," James said. "I should really reconsider the whole arm-flailing thing. It's gotten me absolutely no where these past few days." He sighed. "Bugger. I can't see a darn thing."

"I thought your most embarrassing moment was when Sirius pulled down your trousers, and everyone saw your…man bits…in third year," Lily said, blushing.

"I have blocked that from my memory. And I'll have you know, I was a mere boy of eleven, and what you saw…or didn't see…is no longer that small." It was James' turn to blush.

"Well, now that this conversation has become sufficiently awkward, I am going to go to Professor Flitwick's office, as he's just down these sta—ah!" Lily stumbled over her own two feet, and ended up sinking into the stair, as well.

"Wonderful," Lily said. "Your glasses are gone to Agrippa knows where, and now we're both stuck in this damn stair." Lily blew her bangs up in exasperation. "Wait—maybe I can get your glasses back. Why didn't I think of this before?" Lily slapped her forehead. "Accio glasses!" James glasses came out of the sinking stair and into Lily's hand. "Here you go, James."

"Thanks." James placed his glasses back on, and was able to see Lily's predicament was the same as his own. "Well, what are we going to do now?"

"I dunno," Lily replied. "I guess just wait for someone to find us." The two stood silently next to one another, their elbows grazing uncomfortably.

"Um, so, when do you want to start that tutoring? I'm sorry—I mean, extra help session?" James asked with a smirk. Lily shoved him.

"I guess tomorrow. I mean, all we really need to do is review stuff—"

"You know, we have the whole night ahead of us…do you want to…review?" James asked.

"Sure, that'd be great, James," Lily said with a smile. "You know, I think I'm actually starting to like you." Lily laughed, but after a couple of seconds, her face became rigid. "I mean as friends! I don't like you like that! I mean, not that anything is wrong with you…I mean you're nice…now anyway, you weren't last year or the year before or—let's be honest—ever since I've met you, but—"

"Lily," James said, "I get it. Calm down. We're friends." And James was happy with that. At least, for the time being.


	8. Chapter 7

A/N: We're getting there, guys! One more chapter, and then an epilogue, I think. I'm excited! And hopefully, you are too! I'm curious--does anybody know what Sirius and Marlene's plan is? I'm not sure how obvious I made it. Let me know if you know! Or think you know! And I want to thank all the people who review consistently. I really appreciate it!!

* * *

Marlene yawned and stretched her arms. Before opening her eyes, she could feel that she was laying on something…bony. 'Well, not bony _per se_,' Marlene thought. 'Maybe…_chiseled_?' She felt around, keeping her eyes closed in an attempt to shield them from the bright light of the sun that was sure to be seeping through the window.

"Okay, that would be your hand on my crotch, McKinnon. Not that I don't like it there, but I thought that you had the right to know."

"AHH!" Marlene screamed at the sound of another person's voice. Her eyes flew open, and she was face to face with none other than Sirius Black himself. "What the—you pervert!"

Sirius smirked. "I'm not the one with my her hand _still_ on a man's private bits." Marlene's hand flew off Sirius as she flushed red.

"It's not like I meant to put my hand there. I _didn't_ know _what_ I was touching, or _whom_ I was laying on," Marlene said, kneeing Sirius purposefully as she got off of him. "Wait—where are Lily and James? Did they ever come back last night?"

"I dunno," Sirius said. "Maybe we should check the dorms. I'll check the boys' and you check the girls'." Both turned and ran up the stairs, but neither found James or Lily.

"Nothing," Marlene said. "Where do you think they went? Do you think they're _together_?"

"Maybe they already went to breakfast," Sirius said. "Let's go check." Sirius started to walk toward the portrait hole. Just as he began walking, though, Marlene grabbed the back of his shirt.

"Are you just saying that because you're hungry, or because you _honestly_ think they're there?" Marlene asked, arms crossed.

Sirius pondered his answer for a minute. "Both."

"Fine," Marlene said, "Let's go look in the Great Hall." Together, they walked out of the common room, and made their way downstairs, coming up with funny—and rather ridiculous—ideas about where James and Lily could be.

"I bet that Snivellus is secretly a vampire, and decided to make Lily his next victim!" Sirius hypothesized.

"And where does James fit into this scenario, Black?" Marlene asked, giggling.

"He tried to save her, of course. The love of his life couldn't be drained of her blood by his archenemy! And, in the process, he unfortunately tripped over a tree root and fell unconscious."

"And that's why we're heading toward the Great Hall?"

"James eventually woke up from his bout of unconsciousness, stabbed Snivellus with a stake made from the tree root he tripped on, and saved Lily. Now they're eating breakfast!" Sirius said. "It's all very obvious."

"And logical!" added Marlene. The two laughed, and as Marlene began going down the stairs, she stepped on something.

"OW! Watch where you're going!"

It appeared as though Marlene stepped on a hand. A hand belonging to one James Potter.

"What are you—are you and Lily _both_ stuck in the trick step?!" Sirius asked, puzzled. He scratched his head. "How in the world did you _both_ get stuck?"

Marlene stepped back, and looked at the situation. It looked as though James and Lily had fallen asleep on the stairs, each with one leg stuck in the abyss of the stair. Lily's head was resting on the stair above the trick step, and James' must have been, too, before Marlene stepped on his hand, which was laying on the step above that one.

"Will you help me get James out of the step, McKinnon? He seems to have gained a bit of weight…a lot of weight, actually…" Sirius said. "And then I want to hear an explanation, Prongs!"

Together, Marlene and Sirius lifted James out, each lifting him up from his armpit.

"Great," Sirius muttered. "My hand's going to smell like James' B.O. all day."

"Hey," James said. "I heard that! I don't have B.O.! My underarms smell peachy fresh, thanks!" After he was out, James explained to Sirius and Marlene exactly what led to both Lily and him ending up in the trick step.

"Now," James said, "that I'm done embarrassing myself. And Lily, for that matter. I think we should wake her up. Her back must be killing her. I know mine is." James moved to wake her, but Marlene stopped him.

"Maybe I should do that," Marlene said. "She can be a bit cranky when she wakes up." Marlene walked over to the step, and bent down, and whispered. "Lily, wake up. Wake up, sleepyhead!" To hasten the process, Marlene began to lightly shake her.

Lily slowly opened her eyes, and sat up. Suddenly, panic spread across her face.

"Oh my gosh! James was here with me last night! And he's gone now! He must have fallen through the trick step while he was sleeping," Lily said in shear terror. She bent close to the step and shouted, "JAMES! CAN YOU HEAR ME?!"

"Perfectly fine, Lilykins!" James said from above her. Lily slapped his leg.

"For a second, I was so worried! You had me so scared!"

"And you show it by slapping my leg? Wow, I can't wait to see how you act when your angry! Oh wait, I have! Many times, actually…" James said, jokingly.

"Well! Don't just stand there, people!" Lily yelled. "Help a girl out!"

"I think we should just leave you there," James said. "I mean, someone so violent shouldn't be allowed to walk freely around the castle!"

"Right." Lily narrowed her eyes. "Help me out, or you'll regret it tomorrow morning when you have pink hair and a tattoo that reads, 'James loves Severus' on your forehead."

"Okay, okay. Calm down! I was only joking," James said, holding his hands up as though he was accused of murder. "C'mon, one of you help me get her out."

After Lily was out, she sighed. "Who wants breakfast?"

Sirius then sighed, too. "Finally."

* * *

Later that day, Sirius and Marlene sat in a remote corner of the common room, planning when they were going to go through their plan of getting James and Lily together.

"Tonight. You pull Lily away, I'll pull James away while they're doing homework. I'll get James first, then wait a minute and grab Lily," Sirius said.

"Wow, I think this'll actually work! They'll finally be a couple!" Marlene gushed.

"Don't get all mushy on me, McKinnon! I need you tonight!" Sirius said.

Marlene gave Sirius a dirty look. "I'm not getting 'all mushy,' you jerk. I'm just happy for my best friend."

"Me, too, McKinnon, but I'm not about to pee my pants in excitement!"

"Oh, shut up."

* * *

Review, please!


	9. Chapter 8

A/N: Okay! Only the Epilogue after this! Read and review!

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"Prongs!" Sirius yelled, as he bolted down the steps from the boys' dorms. James and Lily were sitting together in the common room, studying the transformation process for Animagi when Sirius rushed over to them.

"Padfoot!" James mocked, laughing.

"I'm being serious here, James, this is no moment to giggle like a little girl at your pathetic joke!"

"You _are_ Sirius, Padfoot. And I did not 'giggle like a little girl,'" James said, nose in the air. "I giggled like a grown man, thank you."

"_Whatever_, James, does it look like I _give _a _turd_? We have a situation!" Sirius exclaimed in a faux panic.

"Who's _we_? Because _I_ don't have a situation," James said, looking at Sirius.

"Uh, Peter! Lockhart has trapped him in, uh, the Trophy Room, and, is, uh, forcing Peter to, uh, do unmentionable things!" Sirius exclaimed.

"How do you _know_ this?"

"Because! I saw it on…" Sirius lowered his voice, "…the _map_!" Sirius then proceeded to look around the common room with beady eyes, making sure no one heard his admission.

"Let me see, Padfoot! I honestly think you're mistaken…that would never happen. No matter how weird Lockhart is, he likes girls!"

"You _know_ he was really into 'Petera!' And I can't explain Lockhart! Only Lockhart can!"

"Let me see the map, Padfoot, and then, if what you are telling me is true, we can all go try and help. Lily'll even come, right Lily?" James asked, patting her on the shoulder.

"Right," she said. "It is, of course, our duties as heads to help him, if Peter really is…_well_, in trouble."

"NO!" Sirius said. "Only _you_, Prongs can come! Uh, Peter wouldn't want, uh, Lily here seeing any of his…well, bits, you know."

"_Where's the map, Padfoot?_"

"Shut it, Prongs, someone's going to hear about the _you-know-what_!"

"JUST BLOODY SHOW ME THE"—and James got really upset, and said in a frilly voice—

"…_you-know-what_!"

"I don't have it," Sirius said in a small voice.

"Well, then HOW DO YOU KNOW PETER IS BEING…YOU KNOW!"

"I _did _have it at one point," Sirius said. "But Remus took it so he could sneak down to the kitchens."

James was getting angry. Sirius' story just didn't make sense. "IT'S BROAD DAYLIGHT! Why would he need to make sure no one was _there_? He wouldn't get into trouble for being in the corridors _now_!"

"He was just being precautious!"

"And why didn't you get HIM to help out with Wormtail? _Hmmm_?"

"Oh, James," Lily interrupted. "Just go to the Trophy Room. If Peter's there, then you can help. If he's not, what do you lose? Fifteen or twenty minutes of _studying_? _Which you dread_? It's a win-win!" Lily slapped him on the back. "Go help him!"

"But Lily," James pleaded, trying to make her understand. "Don't you see that his story is illogical?"

"Yes," Lily said. "But I think that's just Sirius being Sirius. And wouldn't you kick yourself if you found that Peter was in danger of Lockhart?"

"Yes," James said guiltily. "C'mon Sirius. I'll go."

"Finally," Sirius muttered under his breath. "Let's go."

As the boys left the common room, Lily sighed. Was she beginning to like James? '_No_,' she told herself sternly. 'He's just been nicer than usual. That's all.' She was reasoning with herself. 'Well, he _is_ rather attractive. And he hasn't done _anything _to Snape in quite some time! But, he hasn't asked me out either. Does he not like me anymore?'

Lily put down her quill, which she had been biting quite furiously. She was getting angry at James. 'You can't just express your _undying love_ for someone one year, and then retract it the next year! What is this? I mean—' However, Lily's thoughts were interrupted.

"Are you okay, Lily? You look rather upset," Marlene said, coming down the stairs of the girl's dorms. Marlene looked at her watch. She was going to have to rush Lily to the Mirror of Erised if she wanted the plan to work. "Lets go take a walk and talk about it."

"Okay," Lily said, picking up her Transfiguration textbook off of her lap and putting it on the table in front of her, slowly realizing that maybe she was beginning to fall for her enemy. Or, maybe, now, it would seem, her friend.

* * *

"Sirius, this isn't the Trophy Room. I mean, it's on the _way_ to the Trophy Room. But this is _clearly _not the Trophy Room. And Peter isn't in here. So maybe we should keep walking," James said, tapping his foot on the ground like an unhappy and rather spoiled little girl. Sirius had stopped in the room with the Mirror of Erised and James was getting rather angry.

"Okay, Prongs, first of all, stop doing that tapping thing. You look like a right prat, you know that? And second, I just thought maybe we could…relax a little before we go rescue Peter. I mean, we _are_ going to need our strength to barrel down the door."

"Um, Padfoot. That's what a WAND is for. Do I look like a man of physical strength?" James said, standing with his hands on his hips. Sirius had to admit, James _was_ rather scrawny looking.

"No. But still. Let's just…I dunno. Take a _break_, shall we?" Sirius said, leaning against the brick wall, looking at the entrance for Marlene and Lily.

"Where _are_ they?" Sirius whispered to himself, looking at his watch.

* * *

Lily ran her fingers across the brick walls, dawdling and shuffling slowly. She had begun to honestly believe that she had a slight crush on James. 'But it's really nothing,' she continued to tell herself. 'Nothing at all. Just a minor crush that'll just…disappear, eventually.'

"Okay, Lily," Marlene said. "Let's move at a faster pace."

"Why?" Lily asked. "I thought this was just a pleasant stroll around the castle to talk?"

"I dunno…don't you want exercise?"

"Are you calling me fat?!" Lily exclaimed.

"No! Just that we could be killing two birds with one stone! You always talk about wanting to exercise!" Marlene said, grasping at straws.

"No I don't! When have I ever said that?"

"Okay," Marlene said. "Lily, you're just going to have to trust me on this. We have to run…or maybe walk at a _brisk_ pace, if you really don't want to exercise…to the room with the Mirror of Erised. Do you know what that is? The Mirror of Erised?"

"Of course. I've never actually seen it in person, I've only read about it, but…wait! You know where this room is and haven't _told_ me!" Lily exclaimed.

"Yes, but now is not the time to argue. It is the time to walk briskly."

"Fine," Lily said, and they were off…at a brisk pace.

* * *

"Okay, I think we have rested enough, Padfoot. This is getting ridiculous," James said. "Or are you ready to tell me the real reason you brought me here?"

"Um, not yet. I'll be ready to admit it in a few minutes, most likely. Give or take."

"Got it."

* * *

As Lily and Marlene _briskly_ walked to the room with the mirror, Marlene glanced at Lily, who was still in a rather weird mood.

"Why were you angry, Lil?"

"I wasn't necessarily angry, Marly," Lily said. "I just…I dunno. If I tell you something, do you promise not to tell anybody? Swear on your grave?"

"Of course. Who would I tell?"

"James Potter," Lily said.

Marlene's head snapped toward Lily. "Merlin's pants! You like—mhmmhm…"

Lily's hand covered Marlene's mouth before she could speak his name. "I'm not sure! So don't go blabbing it all through the hallways!" Lily took her hand off of Marlene's mouth. "I've just been spending more and more time with him lately, and you know, I spent that night with him…"

"YOU SPENT THE NIGHT WITH HIM!?"

"Marlene, don't be stupid," Lily said, trying to pick up her speed to match Marlene's. "I mean the night where our legs were stuck in the trick step."

"Oh."

"Yeah. But, I dunno. He hasn't asked me out since last year, and he doesn't like me anymore…so. I guess that's karma, huh?" Lily said, glancing at Marlene.

"Lily! C'mon! I think we should start running! You're going to want to see this!" Marlene squealed and clapped, breaking into a sprint.

"Wait up! What does the mirror have to do with anything! MARLY!"

* * *

Sirius looked at his watch again and sighed. He wished it was Marlene who had the other chunk of his magical mirror, rather than James who was standing next to him, clearly pissed.

"Now?"

"Nope."

"Now?"

"No, Prongs, shut up. _I'll_ let you know. Okay?"

"Right. Like you let me know that one time I had a pair of my boxer stuck to the back of my robe in third year?"

"I eventually let you know!"

"Not until I asked why everybody was laughing at me in Potions!"

Sirius spotted Marlene rushing into the entrance, giving him a thumbs up sign. He could see Marlene shushing Lily, and he assumed she was telling her to watch. He glanced over at James, and he was completely and totally unaware of the people in the doorway, as he picked at his nails with an annoyed expression.

"Sirius, will you just tell me what's going on? For Agrippa's sake!"

"Yes, I believe it's time, Prongs," Sirius said. James stood up straight after hunching against the wall, and sighed.

"Okay, Prongs, you know this is the Mirror of Erised, right?" Sirius asked.

"Padfoot, we found this in the second week of first year. I'm not an idiot," James said, giving Sirius a look of aggravation, still unaware of the girls in the entrance located behind him.

"Just making sure. Now, I want you to tell me what you see when you look into it."

James looked at him as if he had two heads. "You _know_ what I see in it, Sirius. Why are you being so weird? What's going on?"

"James," Sirius begged, "can you please just humor me? Please?"

"But if you know what I see, why bother—"

"I just want to make sure it hasn't changed! Dammit, Prongs, stop being a bloody arse and look in the damn mirror already, and bloody tell me what you see!"

"Fine, you freak!"

"THANK-YOU."

James stood in front of the mirror with his arms crossed, rather angrily. But when he _actually_ looked in the mirror, he dropped his arms and let them hang. He walked up to the mirror, and ran his hand over the reflection.

"Padfoot," James said, in a low growl. He cleared his throat. "It's the same as ever."

Sirius smiled. "And what was that, Prongs?"

"It's me and Lily, alright! Happy? Why are you so insistent on me saying it? It's Lily! It's always been Lily! It will _always be _Lily!" James sighed.

"Why don't you look behind you, Prongs?" Sirius said, smirking and air-fiving Marlene.

"Why? Is Peter behind me being inappropriately touched by Lock—" But that's, of course, not what James saw.

Instead, Lily was standing by the door, tearing, while Marlene smirked and air-fived Sirius back.

"Lily," James said in a throaty voice. He began to walk towards her, while Marlene walked toward Sirius.

"We're gonna go," said Marlene, as she grabbed Sirius' hand and moved back towards the exit. "Give you some time alone." But neither Lily nor James seemed to have heard her.

"James…" Lily started.

"Wait," James interrupted, "I know you don't like me. It's okay, don't feel bad. I—"

But Lily interrupted James' explanation with a kiss. A passionate, beautiful, and immensely cheesy kiss. When they broke apart, James' glasses were askew, and both were rather red in the face.

"I guess you weren't crying because you felt sorry for me, then…"

"James, that was the sweetest thing I have ever heard. To make a long story short…I've come to realize that I…well, I rather fancy you. And that…admission just…well, James, it was the cherry on top of the cake. I was actually rather afraid that _you_ didn't fancy _me_ anymore…"

"Never, Lily. Never." And with that, he kissed her, making absolutely sure that she knew that he meant it.


	10. Epilogue

A/N: So this is it. I had so much fun writing this. I want to say thank you to all of those people who read the story, and especially to those who left feedback--you guys kept me writing! I'm thinking about doing another Lily/James fic, but I'm not sure what it's going to be about, so it might be a little bit before it's up...but stay on the lookout! Again, thanks guys! Enjoy!

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Epilogue

"May I have everyone's attention, please?" Sirius shouted over the rather loud voices of the many people talking. When nobody quieted, Sirius began to bang on his champagne flute with his knife.

"Oi! People! QUIET!" He continued to clang on the glass when it shattered, shards flying into his food, as well as the people's sitting next to him.

"OI! I JUST BROKE A CHAMPANGE THINGY BECAUSE NONE OF YOU WILL HUSH UP!" The room suddenly became eerily silent, and Sirius sighed. After putting the half broken flute down on the table and fixing his dress robes, he began to speak.

"Well," Sirius said, "now that the lot of you have shut your faces, I'm going to make my Best Man Speech." He looked over at James and Lily, who were sitting at a small rectangular table by themselves. They appeared spectacularly happy; James, in his black and white dress robes, had his arm around Lily's shoulder. Lily's eggshell colored wedding dress was classy and perfectly Lily. The couple was radiating joy.

"I have known James for how long now? Eight years?" Sirius began. "We met on the train to school, and were best friends since. I whipped out some frog spawn, James grabbed a few dungbombs from his pocket, and we became inseparable. And, within a few minutes of our meeting, Remus and Peter showed up, looking for a place to sit, and we became, over a couple of months time, the Marauders; spreading laughter and bodily harm through the castle. Dumbledore knows what I mean, don't you?" The room turned to look at the professor, as he shook his head in mirth.

"How could I not? Correct me if I'm wrong Mr. Black, but the four of you turned my beard purple." Everyone chuckled and looked toward Sirius.

"It's the color of royalty! You should have kept it!" The room laughed again. "But I digress. Where was I? Oh, yes…the Marauders became one. We never left each others' sides, we told each other everything. And it was only the second month of school when James confessed his love for his dearest flower." Sirius turned to look at the couple. "And you know what he said? He said, 'I'm going to marry that girl one day.'" Sirius looked at James and Lily, and let out a dramatic sob.

Remus coughed awkwardly, and looked at Sirius. Peter fidgeted, and James glanced at Sirius with a confused expression from behind his wire spectacles. Sirius sighed and looked a bit embarrassed.

"Okay, so James didn't _actually_ say that. That was a bit of a fib to beef up the speech. What he _actually_ said was, 'Is that girl's hair on fire?' And then he proceeded to pour pumpkin juice on her head to put out said fire." The room broke out into laughter. "James'll tell you he fell in love with her second year, when she hexed off his nose for 'sticking it where it didn't belong,' but I'm pretty sure he subconsciously fell for her the day he made that comment about her hair—and she got revenge with a nasty Full Body Bind."

Sirius continued. "And when did Lily fall in love with James? Well, I believe it was when she heard James describe what he saw in the Mirror of Erised: the two of them together. Nobody ever thought James would manage it, but somehow he snagged Lily—a girl who's way too good for him. In all honesty, I think she thought that for the longest time, too—"

"No, I didn't!" Lily shouted.

"This is not your speech, Lilykins, so _I_ get to say what I want to." Sirius, in mock whisper, then said, "_But she did_. And yet, still, they ended up together, anyhow." Sirius grabbed his broken champagne glass, and began to lift it up in the air.

"To James and Lily—my brother and brand new sister—may Marly and I be as happy as you one day! May every couple be as happy as you one day! And may you live until your fat and ugly and grow to look like each other because you've been together so long!" Sirius raised his flute of champagne, and, forgetting it was broken, took a sip from the glass.

As blood dripped down Sirius' face and into his food, as the healers who happened to be in the audience rushed toward him, Lily and James barely noticed, as they sat in their own corner of the world, kissing fervently and—

"OI, you wankers! I know this is your wedding and all, but I'm bloody bleeding over here! My lip is done for and you're bloody mocking it by sitting there snogging!" When James and Lily didn't stop, Sirius looked up at the ceiling, said, "Bugger," and walked over to Marlene. He grabbed her face and kissed her, bloody lip and all.


End file.
